I, better than anyone, can grasp the difficulty of standing on your own two feet. It is probably the hardest thing to find your balance within yourself in the midst of all that is unstable. This sense of equilibrium in relationships becomes tricky when we find that only one person has mastered the ability to be himself without a crutch of any kind, while the other is dependent like the White House is to its pillars. It is especially problematical when one searches for their needs and wants to be met by their partner as it presents a demanding relationship. But hey, who am I to point fingers? I quite literally felt my whole world falling apart and the ground on which I stood cracking when I lost my own boyfriend. I guess now you can see the validity of my argument because I have been on both sides of the relationship spectrum. I can emphasize with you because I can still recall the pedestal I put that relationship on and how absorbed I was in it – probably even 6”3 deeper than you claim to be. However, as a warning I thought you should know how dangerous these trenches are. “Love is a battlefield” – and as a fellow soldier I want to say you might be heading straight for enemy grounds. Don’t declare him as your property by becoming territorial with that colonial flag of yours; he was just my best friend afterall. I must warn you that the idea of asphyxia may seem the most ideal course of action but it only causes a strain on the relationship leading to a more sudden death of it as well (trust me, I know). I reckon your intentions mean well but you cannot use your insecurities for your own selfish advantage by granting that your agitation is a valid reason for him to be with you and just you. Your uncertainty and doubts when it comes to your relationship is already a factor, with only a couple of months in, and I have to say that I believe it is probably anything but coincidental. With that being said, I am merely suggesting that you inspect the reasons you feel the way you do instead of forcing the relationship to last by demanding all of his time. For you to even think this would be a good idea further proves how reliant you are which can only lead to a detrimental end. I would not at all say that I am the expert of relationships; but if there is anything I learned it is that biggest and most important priority in a relationship is to not lose yourself. It’s not about altering your life to match the other person’s or vice versa but about two different, sometimes fairly similar, people coming together to enjoy one another’s company. A relationship is often initiated in order to build upon the attraction and intimacy that is ALREADY there. A relationship is not about becoming ‘one’, as often as the cliché is used, but two individuals being together – while still being their own person. There is not supposed to be some ridiculous time constraint such as a minimum of 20 hours a day spent with one another but more about finding the balance – there’s that word again - between your friends, family and of course your relationship. If your social calendar consists of a hang out each day and you’re doing this because you feel you’re limited on time, it is probably because the expiry date is soon approaching but this suffocation can only aggravate the bitterness. This seems to be an egotistical opportunity to be with someone; to be in a relationship in order to avoid the termination date and the prospect of being alone & on your own. Seems scary, doesn’t it?
If your answer to that question is “no” then congratulations! You have successfully grasped the important concepts of this course. You have fulfilled the requirements necessary to be comfortable with yourself without the distressing dependency on someone else. You are free-spirited and do not solely depend on others to make you feel complete. You are aware that being yourself is far more important than your guy’s approval or attention because his opinion is not the breaking point between being inadequate or adequate. Welcome to our world: “Miss Independent”.
If your answer to that question was “yes”, you have failed Independency101 and will probably have to repeat the course in summer school. That’s if you’re willing to take it by yourself without someone holding your hand throughout the experience. I assume you’ve passed the diaper stage, hopefully have levelled up to pull-ups meaning you’re a big girl now. This constant accommodation for something almost unrealistic as you wallow in your belief that it is endless is what truly has me worried. It is not a complex notion as most things are temporary and quite brief – this is something I’m suggesting you get in perspective. Get on my level – it’s called reality. To summarize this post in a few words but also remaining bluntly honest:
[ you should check yourself ]. S’all I’m saying.
xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.
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