.

That one time where you can't have the last word.
Go screw a cork & cry after consumption

You were never originally from here,
at this rate, you'll stay in the Loner-east end.

/Good Riddance.

Ps. Yes, I am being impulsive.

We're entitled to a few snappages in life:

I just used up one of mine.

I didn't delete anything,

so you can document your food for thought,

that I frankly don't care about anymore.

But for your sake, once again -

copy and paste your posts to a suitcase of your beloved pride.

Travel, travel with your pride and let's see how far that gets you.

PEAAAAACE.

This here is on some truthful shit

“There’s a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone & trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing that you don’t need certain people and their crap."

This is going to be short and sweet.
You all have affected my life in different ways and I’m not going to lie because some of you have made a greater impact than most. Yet I thank each and every single one of you for being there, in one way or another, when I needed you the most. It may seem that I am ungrateful of your friendships, especially now as I have made little to no effort to repair what has been broken. Let me clarify that it is not to say that I care any less. In fact, if you know me well enough you know that I’m just a little passive aggressive when it comes to these types of situations. So behind that entire tough exterior that giggles then says “geeve” is the over-emotional girl that cries when she comes across MSN conversations, reads over our Facebook wall-to-wall or finds an old text message. This is not at all to make you feel sorry for me as I devalue any of your pity; I am merely stating that even with everything said and done – you all still hold significance in my life. One of my first instincts is to call all of you to share every thing that has gone on in my life while I wait on false hope that you will one day take the time to call to inform me of all the things that have happened in yours. I apologize from the bottom of my heart that I let my insecurities, thick-headedness and selfishness drive you all away bringing you to where we are now: a little more than strangers, a lot less than friends. I am writing this to assure you that I have not forgotten about any of you and if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you haven’t forgotten about me either. I am more than willing to put the crazy past behind, I’m looking for a fresh start anyways – if you’re not still upset, you know my number. If you are, I understand but you live & you learn.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
I love yous.

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.

Mouth Shut

So I have something I’ve been needing to say.
You’ve told me to keep it secret but we both know how bad I am at that so…
•
•
•

“Hello world.
I’m your motherf*cking trouble-maker.”

Yeah, I know you’re reading this.
If you’re looking for any sign of me breaking my vow of silence, I suggest you don’t hold your breath. Have a little faith, kid.

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.

The Epiphany

I have spent the last 6 months of my graduating year dwelling in the unfortunate events that caused my demise that commenced November 2008. I steered clear of relationships in fear that I would be tempted to cheat on a boyfriend of mine which is what happened the first time around and was, in fact, what triggered the set of events to follow. I avoided putting any trust into anyone in fear that I was simply going to get backstabbed – yet again. In my attempts to keep my distance from people I found myself lashing out at every single thing in regards to friends. To show how tough I was? No, it was a means of making a stance that I had had enough of people walking all over me. However, in an effort to become a better person I became my own worst nightmare as I found myself pushing away those I loved the most until I was standing alone. The common denominator in these actions was instigated by such an abstract and intangible thing. In retrospect, I was running away from everything and everyone except for the very instinct that brought me to such a lonely state; my fear. I can’t say I am entirely pleased with myself but this rant would be completely pointless if I were to wallow in my own sorrow instead of getting to my feet to do something about it. So here it is: FCUK FEAR - what I was most afraid of was the prospect of being happy. The law of gravity states, “what goes up must eventually come down” and I found this to be true about most things that brought me joy. It was because of the sudden downfall at the end of every high that caused me to skip out on the super blunts. I have been missing out on the blissful life for the one that consists of more drama because I thrived on it thinking that if I didn’t, it would make me “saaaaaaft”. Thinking that if I did not cause drama, I would be “losing” – and I could not stand the thought of that. Now I’m re-introducing the alter-ego Marie, who some of you are familiar with. Don’t be afraid. She’s back for a different purpose this time; she’s not here to conquer but to help me develop what I lost along the way – strength, strength to pull through this terrible mess I’ve created for myself. A dear friend of mine helped me realize that it’s not about looking behind at the past worrying about how you went wrong but how you’re going to better yourself for the future to come. “It’s not about how you got yourself here but how you’re going to get out.” With this being said, I thought it would be mighty rude of me if I were to not extend my formal goodbyes:
- Goodbye to ex-boyfriends
- Goodbye to crazy (ex)girlfriend(s)
- Goodbye to cheating others / on others
- Goodbye to hookups with friend’s exes
- Goodbye to booty calls
- Goodbye to hysterical, drunk breakdowns
- Goodbye to breakdowns
- Goodbye to abruptly leaving my best friends
- Goodbye to leaving
- Goodbye to being narrow-minded
- Goodbye to enforcing my thoughts on the narrow-minded
- Goodbye to drunk punches to the face
- Goodbye to being the overprotective girlfriend
- Goodbye to being who you want me to be
- Goodbye to apologizing for things I’m not sorry for
- Goodbye to not apologizing for the things that I am sorry for
- Goodbye to highschool drama
- Goodbye to drama, altogether
- Goodbye to the old me
- Goodbye to Summer’08

Here’s to change.
Here’s to smiling.
Here’s to the future.
Here’s to autonomy.
Here’s to happiness.
Here’s to the blissful life.
Here’s to the sweet escape.
Here’s to summer’09.

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.

"She Got Her Own"

I, better than anyone, can grasp the difficulty of standing on your own two feet. It is probably the hardest thing to find your balance within yourself in the midst of all that is unstable. This sense of equilibrium in relationships becomes tricky when we find that only one person has mastered the ability to be himself without a crutch of any kind, while the other is dependent like the White House is to its pillars. It is especially problematical when one searches for their needs and wants to be met by their partner as it presents a demanding relationship. But hey, who am I to point fingers? I quite literally felt my whole world falling apart and the ground on which I stood cracking when I lost my own boyfriend. I guess now you can see the validity of my argument because I have been on both sides of the relationship spectrum. I can emphasize with you because I can still recall the pedestal I put that relationship on and how absorbed I was in it – probably even 6”3 deeper than you claim to be. However, as a warning I thought you should know how dangerous these trenches are. “Love is a battlefield” – and as a fellow soldier I want to say you might be heading straight for enemy grounds. Don’t declare him as your property by becoming territorial with that colonial flag of yours; he was just my best friend afterall. I must warn you that the idea of asphyxia may seem the most ideal course of action but it only causes a strain on the relationship leading to a more sudden death of it as well (trust me, I know). I reckon your intentions mean well but you cannot use your insecurities for your own selfish advantage by granting that your agitation is a valid reason for him to be with you and just you. Your uncertainty and doubts when it comes to your relationship is already a factor, with only a couple of months in, and I have to say that I believe it is probably anything but coincidental. With that being said, I am merely suggesting that you inspect the reasons you feel the way you do instead of forcing the relationship to last by demanding all of his time. For you to even think this would be a good idea further proves how reliant you are which can only lead to a detrimental end. I would not at all say that I am the expert of relationships; but if there is anything I learned it is that biggest and most important priority in a relationship is to not lose yourself. It’s not about altering your life to match the other person’s or vice versa but about two different, sometimes fairly similar, people coming together to enjoy one another’s company. A relationship is often initiated in order to build upon the attraction and intimacy that is ALREADY there. A relationship is not about becoming ‘one’, as often as the cliché is used, but two individuals being together – while still being their own person. There is not supposed to be some ridiculous time constraint such as a minimum of 20 hours a day spent with one another but more about finding the balance – there’s that word again - between your friends, family and of course your relationship. If your social calendar consists of a hang out each day and you’re doing this because you feel you’re limited on time, it is probably because the expiry date is soon approaching but this suffocation can only aggravate the bitterness. This seems to be an egotistical opportunity to be with someone; to be in a relationship in order to avoid the termination date and the prospect of being alone & on your own. Seems scary, doesn’t it?
If your answer to that question is “no” then congratulations! You have successfully grasped the important concepts of this course. You have fulfilled the requirements necessary to be comfortable with yourself without the distressing dependency on someone else. You are free-spirited and do not solely depend on others to make you feel complete. You are aware that being yourself is far more important than your guy’s approval or attention because his opinion is not the breaking point between being inadequate or adequate. Welcome to our world: “Miss Independent”.
If your answer to that question was “yes”, you have failed Independency101 and will probably have to repeat the course in summer school. That’s if you’re willing to take it by yourself without someone holding your hand throughout the experience. I assume you’ve passed the diaper stage, hopefully have levelled up to pull-ups meaning you’re a big girl now. This constant accommodation for something almost unrealistic as you wallow in your belief that it is endless is what truly has me worried. It is not a complex notion as most things are temporary and quite brief – this is something I’m suggesting you get in perspective. Get on my level – it’s called reality. To summarize this post in a few words but also remaining bluntly honest:

[ you should check yourself ]. S’all I’m saying.

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.

Manslaughter

What happens when you become the perpetrator of your own demise?
S'all I'm saying. Send me a life line, will ya?

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.

Cat Fight

..Because what goes up – must come down.
The Original Vs. The Imitation; Round 1.
SB:

So I know we didn't really get to talk but I wanted to say that it's not you as an individual - you are really nice person afterall but it is you and AR, together. 
Don't take it TOO personally, that is alllll.

 

CJ:

k wow i was just about to message you about that!.. um well yeh no that's what i was wondering.. cause you seem okay to my face but the second i turn away i can literally hear you talking shit about me RIGHT beside me.. and a few times i wanted to turn around and say something but i don't want to cause any drama :S like take for instance when we were all at the after party and you and NK andi were talking then i turned to send a text and you turned to NK and said stuff like " why is she here"..lalala.. lol like? come on........ so its obviously not just AR and i which brings me to the next question why does it bother you that AR and i are togeher....

SB:

Honestly, when I was talking to my friend this morning and you were right there - I didn't care that you heard me. I didn't lower my voice or anything and it didn't bother me whether or not you heard because I would have said it to your face if you had asked. It WAS inconsiderate that you were moaning at the top of your lungs, especially because we were at someone's house?, and the fact that I could hear you THREE doors down? LIKEEEEEEE, really? I, obviously, know you and AR have sex but for me to be hearing it? That's jokes, and "disgusting" and "gross" - which are all the adjectives I referred to in my conversation; as I'm sure you had already heard. Also, the fact that we're there chilling/talking and then AR has to come over in front of my face and feel up your body & whisper sweet nothings and all that crap, like realistically - GET A ROOM. I'm right fucking there. And the fact that you don't get why I have a problem with you and AR, makes you oblivious. 
a) It hasn't even been a year since we've been broken up so why would I be completely over it, considering the fact that we were together for 2 years and I had feelings for him prior to that, while he was my best friend since grade 8? I'm sure you're gunna say something lame like, "well he's over it" but that would be very narrow-minded of you. I'm also the reason we broke up to begin with and when you have fuel to get upset, it makes it easier to move on. I didn't have any of that considering I'm the one that fucked up while HE was, in fact, the amazing boyfriend everyone hopes for.
b) He was my first everything, literally and metaphorically - would you want to HEAR your ex-boyfriend having sex with another girl? FUNNY STORY, naaaawht. 
c) The fact that you wouldn't stop talking about it at breakfast shows you have no respect so if you don't have any consideration for the people around you, a.k.a me or NK even, than why would should I have any for you? 
Also, there IS a bigger story about why you and AR, or more like AR being with you, pisses me off but there lies information that I'm not entitled to share with you. So when the time is right, I'm sure you'll find out underlying intentions but like I said, I'm in no place to share them with you.

CJ:

well firstly i wasn't moaning at the top of my lungs SB.. and i am very considerate and polite trust me....its not my fault how the sex between AR and i went last night lol like sorry if you heard it...all i can say is WOOPS.. but on a more serious note... SM and AR dated and i heard you guys "HATED" eachother and now your all buddy with one an other.. which is cool for you but just because im with AR doesnt mean you have to hate on me.. thats very immature... and AR coming up to me and telling me things or doing whatever he does.. isnt to make you jealous we have way better things to do then that...i think its ridiculous how you feel as though we should hold back what we do on a regular basis just cause YOUR there.. lol thats not going to happen.... my ex for example does as he pleases...and IN FRONT of me or not either way i still love him and im HAPPY for him :S.. im not going to be a jealous bitch and weirdly obsessive..... 
Honestly, im sorry you "fucked up" and perhaps you and him should have a talk about your past relationship if it bugs you that much ..i don't have an issue with it at all.. what i want as of now is for AR to be happy period... and seemingly that's with me.. but if not then hey be my guest and sort your shit out with him asap so we can all get on with our lives..
Like i said i don't have a problem with you.. NK.. SM..anyone ..unless you give me a reason too..

SB:

#1. SM and I disliked eachother because of the fact that both of us we equally competitive with one another, due to the fact that AR and I broke up a mere 2 weeks before THEY started dating. We're good now because AR’s no longer in the picture. I don't hate on you because of AR. You do realize that we're fine when you and I are doing a one-on-one, the fact of the matter is - whether or not you can do it or not, is not my issue. Most of my friends - and I say this because I feel the same: cannot be friends with their exes' new girlfriend. And it's cool if you're bff with whoever your ex is fucking and you're completely fine with it and what not; but I for one am not one to stick around in a situation where I feel uncomfortable. Hence why I kept dipping last night whenever you or AR came along. It's not that we WON'T be friends, I'm just saying we literally CAN'T be "true" friends because of my past with AR with your present with him - it just leaves for messy and unnecessary conflicts. I mean, for example, a "true" friend would be happy for you & AR - I'm not. Sorry to be selfish, but I do put forward my own well-being before yours as I'm sure is the way you subconsciously work.

#2. What I find "immature", as you like to call it, is how you put words into my mouth. When in my message did I say or even imply that the business you do in front of my face is to "get me jealous"? I never thought that but the fact that YOU bring it up makes it a little thought provoking because you wouldn't have to defend something that I didn't say to begin with. Maybe you, yourself have some underlying intentions of your own. 
Another thing that you assumed was that I was asking you to stop being with him in front of me when what I asked you to be CONSIDERATE - there's that word again - about the fact that I don't want, nor need, to hear that bullshit moaning. Realistically, EK was pretty rattled by it too. It's uncomfortable for the whole, not just for the ex-girlfriends - and I'm sure if you escaped your tiny mind frame, you might just be able to realize that.

#3. What I also laugh about is how you try to be cool with me yet in your last message, you implied that I'm "jealous and weirdly obsessive" - LMFAAAAAAO, but I won't even go there because if there's already bad blood between us, then maybe you shouldn't imply things like that if you're trying to put aside our differences. Don't you think?

#4. Last but not least: I've tried to talk to him on numerous occasions, I'm pretty sure I'm past trying - a girl can only do so much afterall. And for the last time in this message I'm asking you to stop assuming things, it only makes an ass out of you and me anyways. I did not say that I'M the one that makes him happy as I'm sure he still hates me and is unable to forgive me for shit that's happened months ago - hence our inability to have any kind of friendship. The only reason for me bringing up my "issue" with it is because you ASKED why it bothers me, there's your answer. Don't ask questions unless you want to know the answers to them. 
S'all I'm saying.

CJ:

....SB you came to the same house AR and I were sleeping at.. i don't look at that as someone trying to remove themselves from the situation i look at that as someone trying to PUT THEMSELVES MORE into the situation to aggravate others such as myself.. which it didn't cause LIKE I SAID.. I'm not one to think of you as a threat cause well you are not. And darling no one here is saying that i wan to be "true" friends with you, I'm trying to keep peace..certain things you do drive me up a wall you are seriously psycho at times and as far as i know ..half the population of your grade doesn't like you for I'm pretty sure this exact reason they just humor you which is.. nice of them cause you know...you have after all had sex with half of their ex's OR current boyfriends at the time not so..well that's what i heard..but then again word of mouth only goes so far right? so how could they possibly be your true friend....so i don't need a novel on "true friend" quotes from google k...anyway...back to your main characteristic ..immaturity... i do indeed like to call it that because that is what you are.. I.M.M.A.T.U.R.E..perhaps your not aware of the meaning?...Oxford English dictionary defines IMMATURE as..."not fully developed...behaving in a way that is typical of someone younger; childish.... 
I'm not putting words in your mouth... your actions say it all.... you are who you are and hence the fact AR doesn't want to be with you anymore...I WAS considerate.. OH YA THERES THAT WORD AGAIN!.. but i'm not going to be if your just going to be a child about it either way... like don't even get me started on punta cana .....so i have dealt with your shit.... and frankly i don't know how people put up with it... i always used to tell AR hey babe you know you should try and be friends with her.. shes a nice girl blabla... if anything i stuck up for you..but SB your attitude and your unethical methods of trying to get yourself out of situations amaze me... your just straight up two faced...once again your loss...i'm sorry whatever happened between you guys left you on bad terms.. one day things might change who knows...but look i'm a bitch when i have to be and apparently i had to be.. so heres some advice i strongly think you should TAKE... three simple words that will fix this problem i'm sure... "get over it"

SB:

Listen slut.
Thought I would start this off with that considering I am "immature" afterall. What any of this has to do with guys I've slept with or haven't slept with bewilders me considering this was about ONE GUY I slept with - that being, AR. You know him by now, no? Or you should considering you two are boyfriend/girlfriend and a relationship should be built on two people excepting eachother for who they are yadda yadda yadda, go look up "relationships" on Google or the Oxford dictionary to "humour" me. Fact of the matter is m'dear, at least AR and I built a relationship based on a 2 year friendship, which I think should make for a pretty strong foundation. Whereas you’ve known him for a measly month and a half yet are claiming to loooove him? What do you have to back that up? Could it be how you CHEATED on your boyfriend, and what's to say you won't do the same for him? "Once a cheater, always a cheater" and from what I heard, DP was an amazing boyfriend to you which makes you a shady girlfriend. Sad to say, it was also with some guy who only kept you around as backup. "WWWWWOOOPS" - did I saaaaay that?
Funny story, wanna hear it? At NS’ party, you POINT PROVEN were in the state of mind thinking that AR was trying to choose between you and NK as he had "mixed emotions". No no m'deaaaar love, the choice was already made. By this time, AR had ALREADY asked NK to prom - a week prior to NS’ party in fact only to leave you oblivious and in the belief that you two STILL had a chance. Wanna know why he did that? Because you were BACKUP. The night of NS’ party, NK and I actually patched things up and made the choice to choose her "chicks before dicks" - another lame google saying, right? This is why AR asked YOU, CJ, to prom - because NK turned him down. What's sad is how all YOUR "friendsssss" knew about this and failed to mention it to you; your whole world falling right in front of your face, isn't it now? I guess people aren't who you think they are :)
What's more HIIIILARIOUS is that AR was still begging NK to change her mind about prom on the way to MM’s party. Oh wait, isn't that the night he asked YOU to prom? Only to makeout with NK seconds later? Hhhmm, and you believe that he CHOSE you? No man, he was FORCED to be with you - looks like he's not the only rapist. He was forced to be with you because since NK turned him down, he would have been forced to be alone for the first time in 3 years and he couldn't let that happen babe, you're backup. Nothing but a leftover he was forced to eat; apparently he in fact finds you really obnoxious. WOOOOPS, did I say that again? 
You talk about my true friends but all the ones you made at my school, laugh at you and joke about how it's pathetic that you can't tell you're being used. And also blind. Why do I say blind? Hm, if EVERYONE says you look exactlyyyyy like a guy's ex-girlfriend, I really think there's some mixed intentions there because people are inititally attracted to eachother by looks, nooo? Which means he's still attracted to ME if he was attracted to you? Are you blinded by this because he says he "loves" you CJ? Is that why he cheated on you with RO the night he went to the bonfire? And even her sister, EO the night of that house party you went to. Because he LOOOOOOVES you? True love right there. 
Now on to true information: I did not sleep with half our grade or boyfriends or ex-boyfriends, I'm not you baby girl. But it's amusing how you tried to put me in my place, no doll it takes a lot more to shut me up considering it makes you look stupid for ASSUMING - oh look, there's that word again - do you need Oxford's dictionary to define it for you? I'm sure you do considering you have no idea what "persistent" means as you proved this morning at breakfast. Nor do you have any other conversation topics to talk about other than your hair. 
At breakfast: AR, EK & I were talking for 15 minutes straight without an ounce of contribution from you - thank God considering me and the rest of the world are aware of how extremely obnoxious your voice is. Actually, me and the rest of the world - including your beloved boyfriend - talk about how extremely "ANNOYING" is the word I think he chose to use? you are. Apparently, he's stringing you along to have "mad parties" at whatever house you'll have to yourself in the summer. So regardless of whether or not peeps like me, which is funny because one of your friends & I talked about how you're one of the most hated at your own school, small world eh?
.. Right right REGARDLESS of whether or not peeps like me, nor do they like you and if he's cheating on you while you're only in Whitby - imagine when you're off in Waterloo at Laurier. BUT WAIT: you guys have "love foreva yo" haha, I think you made me and the rest of the people at that afterparty's night for writing something so utterly ridiculous and completely untrue. So there it is, an expose on your relationship - or what you THINK is one even though he's just using you to release his sexual tension - hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but maybe it serves you right for blowing one to begin with. HAHA, get it? "Blowing"
- sluuuuuuuuu ♥ 

PS. I bet you liked this message because it talks about you, considering that's the only thing you CAN talk about you dense shit. 

PPS. BUT WAIT. It also talks about RO, EO, NK and myself. OOPS, sorry that we stole your limelight for a second. Maybe you should go fix your hair.

CJ:

lol

SB:

My pleasure ♥
xoxo Mean Girls

CJ:

SB congrats you have won the task of being mean :S..i don't know what else you want me to say, honestly that was the past and all bitch aside in certain ways i see where your coming from but in my perspective there isn't a thing i can do to change the past... i know what AR has done and i know what i have done we both agreed to look past that and start over the night he asked me to prom another night not at MM’s party..he asked me a few times after MM’s party before i finally said yes.. But anyways who cares....... im off to bed and i'm probably not going to reply if you write back cause i think its nonsense bickering over "a guy" in general for this long.. so its over and done with.....
later girl.

SB:

Lol its unfortunate that you think I sent my message to be mean - it was a reality check girl. You're rebound and AR's a manwhore & when he's gotten all he can from you - he'll toss you to the side. He, himself, had admitted that although SM was a great girl he just couldn't feel for her that way. And why not? Because that man is just scared to be alone and you're a little pawn in his game that is simply feeding his ego; once he’s stuffed, he’ll purge and you’ll be nothing but another tossed condom wrapper.
Wanna know the sad part? He knows it, I know it, everyone else knows it but you. 
I know that guy better than he knows himself and for future reference: "I told you so". ♥ 
/ Good riddance

 

[ ding ding ding ]
My verdict would be a K.O
But that’s just me

 

xoxOMG
- SB, my life in an abbrev.